Turkmenistan Goes Crypto: 2026, Baby! 🚀💰

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So, Turkmenistan-yeah, that place with 7.6 million people and an internet connection that’s basically dial-up with a hangover-has decided to go crypto. Starting January 2026. Because nothing says “future” like a country that still thinks gas exports are a good idea. 🛢️😂

Apparently, they’re trying to attract “fresh investment.” Fresh? Fresh like week-old sushi? 🍣🤢 And they want to reduce dependence on gas. Good luck with that, guys. Maybe start with not burning it for fun? 🔥

Turkmenistan’s Crypto Law: Because Why Not?

On November 28, 2025, President Serdar Berdimuhamedov-yeah, I copy-pasted that name-signed the “Law on Virtual Assets.” It’s like they Googled “how to sound important” and rolled with it. 📜👑

Here’s the kicker: only registered companies and approved entrepreneurs can mine crypto or run exchanges. It’s like a VIP club, but instead of free drinks, you get government surveillance. 🕵️♂️🍸

Oh, and every business needs a license. Because nothing says “innovation” like red tape. 📑🤦♂️

JUST IN: Turkmenistan officially legalizes Bitcoin and crypto mining and exchanges – The Washington Post

– Bitcoin Archive (@BitcoinArchive) January 1, 2026

Mining and Exchanges: Under More Control Than Your Mom’s Diet

Crypto mining? Only if you’re on the list. Unlicensed mining? That’s a no-go. Unless you like penalties. Which, let’s be honest, who does? 🚫⛏️

Exchanges? Sure, but only if you follow the rules. Taxes? Yep. Illegal activities? Nope. It’s like a kindergarten for adults. 🧒⚖️

What’s Allowed? Not Much. What’s Not? Everything Else.

Crypto isn’t legal tender. So no paying for your bread with Bitcoin. Or your camel. Or whatever. 🥖🐪

Instead, it’s “digital property.” Which means you can own it, hold it, and trade it-but only if the government says so. Because freedom. 🦅🔒

Licensed firms? Gotta follow anti-money laundering rules. Cold wallets? Mandatory. Reporting? Constant. Unlicensed activity? Banned. Licenses? Revoked faster than a bad Tinder date. 📉👋

How This Affects Crypto in Turkmenistan: Spoiler Alert-Not Much

Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan? They’re already in the crypto game. Turkmenistan? They’re showing up late with a flip phone. 📱🤷♂️

Sure, it’s a step. But it’s like taking a step in quicksand. You’re moving, but you’re also kinda stuck. 🏜️🚶♂️

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2026-01-01 23:08