According to reports, the Kremlin’s got a notion to let regular folks dabble in crypto, but only on a leash. You see, non-qualified investors are only allowed to nibble at the liquid crumbs-up to 300,000 rubles per middleman-if they prove they’ve got the sense to know the difference between a real coin and a rabbit’s foot. 🥚🐇
Bitcoin seems to be dusting off its britches after some recent whoops-inducing sell-offs. The soothsayers remark that the current “fear and greed” gauge is as low as a fridge after a family reunion, suggesting the little folk have thrown in the towel, while the big-shot investors reckon the $3 trillion market cap ledge is the grand launchpad for Bitcoin’s next grand ascent. A jumble of short-seller cleanups, kissed by the cool autumn-like gold and silver fields pouring their riches over to crypto, could hoist BTC to lofty heights of $100,000 to $110,000. The month’s wrap-up will be key to sussing out whether this is the dawn of an age of hoarding riches or just a sly, deceitful bull trap.
Indeed, these gold-backed stablecoins have achieved a market capitalization of approximately $4 billion, nearly tripling since the dawn of 2025, as if propelled by some unseen hand of fate-or perhaps just good old-fashioned greed.
From 2015 to now, Bitcoin has leapt a staggering 27,700%! Adam Livingston, our modern-day Alcibiades, declares this a triumph over the meager 400% for silver and 280% for gold. Ah, but some scoff! They argue, “Ignore the first six years, you scoundrel!” Even then, Bitcoin pirouettes ahead, leaving the metals in its wake. “A clear win!” cry the crypto enthusiasts. Others, with faces redder than a boiled lobster, remain unconvinced.
Apparently, “open interest” is climbing. Which, according to people who wear ties and talk about “market dynamics,” means folks are expecting something to happen. It’s like when you see a crowd gathering – are they watching a street performer or a fight? 🤷♀️ A lot of open interest without a price jump? That means everyone’s bracing for a volatile burst. Good luck with that.
But hold your horses! Is this rally the real deal or just another “look, shiny!” moment? We’ve seen this story before-Bitcoin makes a heroic leap, only to get rejected faster than you can say “pump and dump.”
The People’s Bank of China (PBOC) will launch a new digital yuan framework on Jan. 1, letting commercial banks pay interest on holdings in a move to incentivize broader adoption of the central bank digital currency. 🤑 (Because who doesn’t want their digital cash to also fund a communist utopia?)
While everyone else was busy spinning tales and crafting dramatic narratives worthy of a soap opera, capital was doing the real work-consolidating into the sturdy scaffolding of scalable infrastructure. Think of it as the financial equivalent of building a house on solid ground instead of a shaky sandcastle.
Look, it’s trying, okay? It avoids dropping below $85,500 which, in the grand scheme of things, is…something. It’s managed to string together a series of ‘levels,’ like it’s collecting air miles. Honestly, the mental gymnastics these analysts employ. 🤦♀️
The culprit? Bitcoin’s “unlucky 13” problem. A stubborn resistance level looms 13% above the current price, casting a shadow over every rally. Until this barrier falls, Bitcoin’s ascent will remain a Sisyphean endeavor. 🪦
