CoinShares, that ever-watchful oracle of the crypto realm, reports a staggering $446 million in outflows last week. Dear me, one can only imagine the pearls being clutched in boardrooms across the globe! 💎✨
The “safety trade” crumbled too. Gold, once a noble hero, now faltered by 3.1%, while silver, platinum, and palladium descended into a ballet of despair-8.37%, 12.67%, 16.07% down, each hitting lows that would make a gluttonous gull turn away. A symphony of losses, if you will.
Price hovers around a sad $0.093, teetering on the edge of greatness or disaster. The trend remains as fragile as a house of cards in a hurricane-until validation hits, we’re all just chasing our own tails.
But here’s the kicker: your average Bitcoin purchase price is now this close to $75,000. Yep, $74,997 to be exact. Three dollars away from a number that’s basically just a big, round, psychological “Oopsie!” 🥴 Will you hit it? Will you care? Probably not, because you’re MicroStrategy, and you’re here to make the rest of us look like financial wallflowers. 💃
On Tuesday (Dec 30), the Federal Reserve shall unveil the minutes from their latest soiree. Traders, my dear, will be clutching their pearls, searching for the faintest hint of when and how swiftly interest rates might be trimmed in 2026. A shift in tone could send risk appetite into a tailspin, particularly with liquidity already as scarce as a Coward revival on Broadway. 🎭💸
According to reports, the Kremlin’s got a notion to let regular folks dabble in crypto, but only on a leash. You see, non-qualified investors are only allowed to nibble at the liquid crumbs-up to 300,000 rubles per middleman-if they prove they’ve got the sense to know the difference between a real coin and a rabbit’s foot. 🥚🐇
Bitcoin seems to be dusting off its britches after some recent whoops-inducing sell-offs. The soothsayers remark that the current “fear and greed” gauge is as low as a fridge after a family reunion, suggesting the little folk have thrown in the towel, while the big-shot investors reckon the $3 trillion market cap ledge is the grand launchpad for Bitcoin’s next grand ascent. A jumble of short-seller cleanups, kissed by the cool autumn-like gold and silver fields pouring their riches over to crypto, could hoist BTC to lofty heights of $100,000 to $110,000. The month’s wrap-up will be key to sussing out whether this is the dawn of an age of hoarding riches or just a sly, deceitful bull trap.
Indeed, these gold-backed stablecoins have achieved a market capitalization of approximately $4 billion, nearly tripling since the dawn of 2025, as if propelled by some unseen hand of fate-or perhaps just good old-fashioned greed.
From 2015 to now, Bitcoin has leapt a staggering 27,700%! Adam Livingston, our modern-day Alcibiades, declares this a triumph over the meager 400% for silver and 280% for gold. Ah, but some scoff! They argue, “Ignore the first six years, you scoundrel!” Even then, Bitcoin pirouettes ahead, leaving the metals in its wake. “A clear win!” cry the crypto enthusiasts. Others, with faces redder than a boiled lobster, remain unconvinced.
Apparently, “open interest” is climbing. Which, according to people who wear ties and talk about “market dynamics,” means folks are expecting something to happen. It’s like when you see a crowd gathering – are they watching a street performer or a fight? 🤷♀️ A lot of open interest without a price jump? That means everyone’s bracing for a volatile burst. Good luck with that.
