Traders, like restless souls, are alert as more than $2.2 billion worth of Bitcoin and Ethereum options are set to expire on Deribit, marking the first major derivatives week of 2026. This follows a record expiry of $27 billion, settled last week on December 26, a spectacle of greed and fear. 🧨
HYPE had his time in the sun, sure. Lord knows he paraded through 2025 like a carnival barker with a megaphone, shouting promises and pulling eyeballs from every corner of DeFi. For a hot minute, he even made poor old LINK look like yesterday’s coffee grounds. But now the music’s stopped, the tents are coming down, and HYPE’s standing there with his pants around his ankles-figuratively speaking, of course. Or maybe not.
Solana’s meme-coins, those glittering fireflies of blockchain frivolity, have begun their annual mating dance of bullishness-a spectacle as predictable as a Nabokovian antihero’s midlife crisis. 🐍💼
Bitcoin, that capricious beast, did indeed reach a fleeting zenith of $126,200 on October 7, 2025, before collapsing like a poorly constructed dacha, settling near $87,000. Thus, the grand prophecies of the financial oracles were revealed for what they were-whispers in the wind.
Now, the big question: Is this rally sustainable, or is it just crypto’s version of a glitter bomb? The move seems less about technicals and more about narratives, positioning, and liquidity dynamics-read: people clicking “buy” because they saw a tweet. 🐦
In December 2025, the crypto world decided to take a break from its usual chaos, but only slightly. According to the blockchain security firm PeckShield (aka the crypto detectives 🕵️♂️), there were a mere 26 major exploits, resulting in a paltry $76 million in losses. Compared to November’s $194.27 million, it’s practically a garage sale!
Enter Sir Bob Burnett, CEO of the noble Barefoot Mining, with a proclamation as grave as a Russian winter. He declares with tempered resolve, “Lo and behold, the Bitcoin hashrate shall not ascend in a heavenward burst. Nay, it shall grovel and creep in modest increments, faithful as a servant to Moore’s Law.” 📈🕰️
The decline follows a previous year’s campaign in which approximately 36,000 customers reclaimed a combined 70.6 billion won ($49 million) in forgotten assets. Market fluctuations also contributed to the year-over-year change. 🤯
The transaction was valued at a modest $779 million – no big deal, just enough to buy a small country or 15,000 solid gold toilets. This brings Tether’s total hoard to approximately 96,370 BTC, worth about $8.46 billion. Or, in real terms, “a stupid amount of money.”
Lo, the fund’s effectiveness is postponed to January 29-a dramatic pause, a breath held, a plot twist! 🎭 The prospectus whispers: “Institutional suitors may yet court XRP through this veiled emissary.” But mark this: no direct dalliance with XRP, only the shadow of its dance. A synthetic love letter, sealed with regulatory wax. 📜