Historically, these FOMC bashes have been a bit of a downer for risk assets. Prices dropped 75% of the time post-party, while only 12.5% of the time they got a little tipsy and went up. The remaining 12.5%? They just stood awkwardly in the corner. 🕺♀️ So, yeah, traders are bracing themselves like it’s a family reunion with that one uncle who always brings up politics. 🍿
Still, the truth lies somewhere between a glittering euphoria and a basement-level meltdown. Let’s dive into the chaos, charts, and cryptic on-chain signals to see if Bitcoin can survive its own hype machine.
Hong Kong’s Trend Research is sitting on an ETH pile so big, it makes Scrooge McDuck’s vault look like a piggy bank. Valued at $1.83 billion, this is not your grandma’s retirement fund. Unless your grandma is a crypto whale. 🐳
This economic tempest has rekindled the age-old debate: could Bitcoin be the elusive life raft in a sea of financial chaos? Hunter Horsley, the sage of Bitwise, posits that this digital currency might just be the shield we need against the storm of despair. ⚔️
Bitcoin emerged as a phantom hedge as Iran’s rial, once a symbol of pride, now a relic of a bygone era. Citizens, desperate and dazed, turned to digital ghosts to salvage their savings from the abyss of inflation. The air in Tehran grew thick with frustration, as life’s essentials evaporated like morning mist under a scorching sun.
With the legal landscape more fragmented than a blockchain fork and formal rulemaking moving slower than a Bitcoin transaction during a network congestion, compliance in 2025 is less about “checking boxes” and more about maintaining defensible processes rooted in transparency, decentralization, and careful communication. Or, as we say in the biz, “Don’t get Howey’d!” 🤡🔍 This Part offers practical guidance for token issuers, exchanges, trading platforms, and developers/ DAOs navigating U.S. regulatory expectations. Buckle up, buttercup! 🚀
In a stirring display of detective prowess, the independent trailblazer known as ZachXBT, on the 29th day of December, unraveled threads of mischief in a web spun across X, Telegram, and other social landscapes. The rascal, nicknamed “Haby (Havard),” had concocted a feast of falsehoods, siphoning riches only to squander them on petty extravagances like rare digital monikers, vain displays of flamboyance, and the alchemy of gambling. 😏💰
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a good yarn, but this one’s got more twists than a barrel of pretzels. Ethereum and Solana, he says, will outperform-no surprise there, those two are like the fancy dandies at a hog-killing party. Meanwhile, the fintech Layer‑1s? Well, they’re just sitting there, underdelivering like a mule with a hangover. 🐌
So, Ethereum started its recovery wave, briefly flirted with $3,000, and then-like a bad first date-things went south. Fast. A high of $3,053? Cute. But then the bears showed up, and suddenly it’s trading below $2,950, looking for its security blanket. 🧸 The price hit a low of $2,907 and is now consolidating losses, which is just a fancy way of saying it’s sitting in the corner, sulking.
As of now, Flow has announced they’ve reached “validator consensus” on their new software upgrade-because nothing says “we’re on top of this” like a bunch of validators agreeing on something after a multi-million-dollar oopsie. Testing is currently underway, which sounds like a fancy way of saying, “We’re crossing our fingers and hoping for the best!” 🤞
