Cryptonews

According to the esteemed Google Trends, the phrase “Bitchat” has ascended in Uganda’s search rankings faster than a courtier’s rise after a king’s favor. What a spectacle!

On December 30th, you dropped ¥69.855 billion (yes, you read that right) on 4,279 BTC. That’s like buying a whole wardrobe of sensible knickers and then some. Your Bitcoin stash now sits at a cool 35,102 BTC, making you one of the world’s biggest crypto hoarders. Go on, show off. 💅✨

The year 2025, let’s just say it wasn’t ideal for anyone holding crypto. Hackers went on a bit of a spree, targeting exchanges, DeFi platforms (whatever those are, precisely), wallets, and those incredibly complicated smart contracts. The result? Billions of dollars disappeared into the ether (pun intended, naturally). It was all rather exposing – like finding your embarrassing childhood photos on Facebook, but with money. 💸

Another curious wallet, fresh as a spring bloom, received 32,938 ETH ($97.8M) from FalconX. Signs point to Bitmine’s handiwork, suggesting its appetite for ETH remains insatiable. Très vorace! 🐺

As revealed by the company’s CEO, Simon Gerovich, in a new X post, Metaplanet partook in a fresh accumulation of Bitcoin during Q4 2025. The firm added 4,279 BTC at an average price of $105,412, a sum that would surely have sent Mr. Darcy into a fit of consternation. 🤯 The last such purchase occurred in September, with two sizable buys of over 5,000 tokens each-though one might question the wisdom of such a venture when the market is as fickle as a society belle’s affections.

Several tariff levers-think literal and metaphorical-are now dancing on the 2026 runway. Some have dates! Others are stuck in red tape and courtroom limbo. Regardless, they’ll turn “risk-on” into “risk-off” faster than you can say “retail investor.”

This fractal, this so-called roadmap, is but a conditional mirage in the desert of uncertainty. It speaks of a possible ascent to $27, yet it hedges its bets with an air of “perhaps” and “if.” Ah, the human condition! To dream of riches while knowing the abyss awaits. The analyst claims an 82% accuracy-a number as arbitrary as it is tantalizing. But what is 82% in the grand scheme of existence? A mere flicker in the void. 🌌

The Iranian rial has lost over 40% of its value since June 2025, when a 12-day conflict with Israel intensified regional tensions. The currency’s decline represents a nearly 44-fold depreciation over the past decade, falling from 32,000 per dollar in 2015 to current levels above 1.4 million. 📉 The official exchange rate in the early 1980s was 70 rials per dollar. This means Iranians have watched their currency lose more than 95% of its purchasing power over ten years. 🧠

Like a soul trapped in a labyrinth, XRP repeats its dance, each attempt to break free met with the cold embrace of rejection. The $1.58 support, a sacred ground, stands firm, a sentinel against the tide. 🧭

Remember when Trump promised to cut taxes so hard, even your grandma’s tax bill would’ve been a “gift”? 🎁 Well, the economy didn’t exactly “boom” like a Trump Tower party. Instead, it’s more like a “meh” at a buffet. 🍽️