In December 2025, the crypto world decided to take a break from its usual chaos, but only slightly. According to the blockchain security firm PeckShield (aka the crypto detectives 🕵️♂️), there were a mere 26 major exploits, resulting in a paltry $76 million in losses. Compared to November’s $194.27 million, it’s practically a garage sale!
Enter Sir Bob Burnett, CEO of the noble Barefoot Mining, with a proclamation as grave as a Russian winter. He declares with tempered resolve, “Lo and behold, the Bitcoin hashrate shall not ascend in a heavenward burst. Nay, it shall grovel and creep in modest increments, faithful as a servant to Moore’s Law.” 📈🕰️
The decline follows a previous year’s campaign in which approximately 36,000 customers reclaimed a combined 70.6 billion won ($49 million) in forgotten assets. Market fluctuations also contributed to the year-over-year change. 🤯
The transaction was valued at a modest $779 million – no big deal, just enough to buy a small country or 15,000 solid gold toilets. This brings Tether’s total hoard to approximately 96,370 BTC, worth about $8.46 billion. Or, in real terms, “a stupid amount of money.”
Lo, the fund’s effectiveness is postponed to January 29-a dramatic pause, a breath held, a plot twist! 🎭 The prospectus whispers: “Institutional suitors may yet court XRP through this veiled emissary.” But mark this: no direct dalliance with XRP, only the shadow of its dance. A synthetic love letter, sealed with regulatory wax. 📜
Apparently, they’re trying to attract “fresh investment.” Fresh? Fresh like week-old sushi? 🍣🤢 And they want to reduce dependence on gas. Good luck with that, guys. Maybe start with not burning it for fun? 🔥
On New Year’s Eve, Dec. 31, 2025, Tether CEO Paolo Ardoino, the architect of this digital dominion, declared on the hallowed platform of X: “We acquired 8,888.8888888 BTC in Q4 2025,” he stated, as if reciting scripture. The transfer, sourced from a Bitfinex hot wallet, elevated Tether’s holdings to 96,369.86714418 BTC-a sum worth $8.46 billion, as if numbers could absolve the soul. 🌀
According to the regulators-those stalwart guardians of propriety-and the ever-chattering news harpies, this draconian measure follows an on-site inspection that unearthed a veritable cornucopia of rule breaches. Thousands, my dear! And not just any breaches-risky transfers abroad, the sort that make even the most jaded financier blush. 🌍💼
Meet Chainlink, the oracle platform that didn’t just tiptoe into 2025 but strutted in like it owned the place, handling over $27.4 trillion in onchain transaction value. It’s like the Swiss Army knife of blockchain-only shinier, smarter, and probably with a better haircut. Governments, banks, and DeFi protocols all flocked to its reliable, interoperable services, probably whispering, “Take my money and make it seem safe.”
The FSC is casting a wide net, catching the captains of the largest crypto sails-Upbit, Bithumb, Coinone, and Korbit. These are not mere trading ships but the pillars of what they call the “core infrastructure” distributing virtual treasure. 🌉 And so the captains must now navigate uncertain waters, trimming their sails to stay within newly drawn boundaries. It’s a sight to behold, straight out of a modern tragedy-or perhaps a comedy.