Cryptonews

What to know, dear reader:

A masterwork of treachery unfolds upon the Cardano blockchain, where the innocent are lured by emails so polished they gleam like a saint’s halo, yet conceal the serpent’s fang. The forged Eternl Desktop, masquerading as salvation, hides a LogMeIn Resolve module-your keys to the kingdom of chaos. 🏰🔥

While the rest of the crypto market is as exciting as a lecture on the breeding habits of the rare Discworld swamp dragon, Solana’s got everyone’s attention. 📈 Trendlines are breaking, momentum indicators are perking up, and on-chain volumes are rising faster than a troll’s temper. Could this be the start of something glorious, or just another false dawn? Only the Auditors of Reality know for sure. 🤷‍♂️

From its celestial peak, the token hath plummeted 89%, a tragic ode to the futility of conventional strategies in a market awash with emissions, unlocks, and the relentless gravity of selling pressure. 🌌⚖️

Behold, the mighty Bitcoin’s valor! Its price is anticipated to remain above the venerable $90,000, despite Uncle Sam’s latest attempt at international diplomacy-a military strike in Venezuela. Who knew such a bloody affair could be so… dull for Bitcoin? 😏

Trading volumes, once as dormant as a forgotten novel on a dusty shelf, are now ascending with alacrity. Social chatter, too, has ignited, and the retail traders-those intrepid souls-are flocking to high-risk tokens as though they were the latest fashion in London. For the first time since the latter days of 2025, one might say.

Phishing attacks, those sly serpents of the crypto realm, still slither around, tricking the gullible into surrendering their secrets. Wallet drainers, the modern-day pickpockets with a blockchain twist, remain as relentless as ever. 🦊💻

The performance of public Bitcoin mining equities in 2025 was like a galactic shift in investor preferences. Year-to-date (YTD) returns showed a gaping chasm between hybrid miners and the purists. It’s as if the purists were still trying to sell ice to Eskimos, while the hybrids were selling air-conditioning in hell. 🔥❄️

Since then, Sui’s price has leaped nearly 19% in three days. A modest miracle, or just the market’s way of saying, “Happy New Year, suckers!”? 🎉

In a delightful twist, this cheeky cryptocurrency has added nearly three grand to its purse since the US decided to play cowboy with Venezuela. A slight dip has it flirting around $91,300 as we speak, but one mustn’t fret; it’s all part of the theatrical performance! 🎭