ETHzilla, once a bold adventurer in the realm of Ethereum-based treasure hoarding, has unveiled its new visage: Forum Markets Inc., or simply, Forum. Come March 2, 2026, its shares, pending the nod of Nasdaq, shall dance under the ticker FRMM. Fear not, shareholders, for your CUSIP remains untouched, as steadfast as a Tolstoy novel.
Ah, Magic Eden, that grand bazaar of the digital realm, hath decided to prune its branches, leaving behind the Bitcoin and EVM orchards to wither in the winds of neglect. A strategic shift, they call it-a retreat, we whisper, with a wink and a sardonic grin. The Non-Fungible Token (NFT) industry, once a bustling carnival, now watches as one of its most flamboyant performers folds their tent.
Matt Western, the guy who apparently chairs the Joint Committee on National Security Strategy (catchy name, right?), sent a letter to Housing Secretary Steve Reed. Basically, he’s like, “Steve, we need to stop this before Russia or China starts paying for our MPs’ latte habits in Dogecoin.” Priorities, people.
But here’s the twist: On February 26, the stock plummeted nearly 7%, diving from $197 to $185 like a deflated balloon at a party for sad pandas. The numbers scream “buy me!” but the market’s whispering, “Wait, are you sure?”
So, Vitalik Buterin, Ethereum’s co-founder, went on a little social media rant about how Ethereum plans to protect itself from the inevitable quantum apocalypse that is coming, all thanks to our little friend, the quantum computer.
Their cryptographic treasure chest swelled by more than six‑tenths of a century: a bounty of 6,235+ BTC, enough to furnish a small village granary, making them the seventeenth largest holder on the global stage-a place where the weight of a coin is measured not in marble but in silicon bits.
U.S. Senator Cynthia Lummis, a woman forged in the fires of political strife, publicly castigated former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried after he hailed the CLARITY Act as a “milestone for freedom.” In a scathing post on X, Lummis quipped, “Someone’s seeking a pardon, but not from me-only the gallows await the likes of him.” She added that the legislation would have “tied SBF to the mast of accountability, where he’d have festered longer than a rotting apple in a Soviet cellar.”
But hold your horses, dear reader, for a closer inspection reveals the truth, much less dramatic and far more mundane. The market was already in the midst of its downturn, with Vitalik’s wallet activity merely a footnote in this slow-motion disaster.
So, American Bitcoin lost $153.2M last year. Yes, that’s right, they’ve managed to turn digital gold into digital fool’s gold. But hey, it’s not their fault-blame the accountants and their pesky “mark-to-market” shenanigans. Apparently, $227.1M vanished into thin air, like a wizard’s hat trick gone wrong. Still, they insist it’s all about the numbers, not the, er, actual money.
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