In a dazzling display of data analysis, Glassnode (the on-chain equivalent of a detective with a magnifying glass) has noted that the netflow of Bitcoin’s long-term holders (LTHs) has been trending less negatively. These LTHs, who’ve held onto their coins for over 155 days, are the cryptocurrency world’s most enigmatic group of investors-like a cult that only meets in the dark and refuses to explain their rituals.
Effective today, January 13, 2026, the CME will shift margin requirements for gold, silver, platinum, and palladium futures from fixed dollar amounts to percentages of notional value. 🧠💸
It turns out XRP decided that staying above $2.150 was just too much effort, and followed Bitcoin and Ethereum into a synchronized descent. Below $2.120 it went, then $2.10, entering what analysts are calling a “short-term bearish zone”. Which, frankly, sounds like a description of my Monday mornings. It even briefly considered $2.050 before deciding against it. A low of $2.034 was achieved, considered briefly, and then it settled for consolidating its losses. A desperate attempt to reach $2.10 was thwarted by, well, bears. Actual bears, no doubt sharpening their claws and eyeing the digital landscape. A bleak picture, really.
Coinbase is turning up the heat 🔥 on U.S. lawmakers like a microwave burrito, all because Congress is about to unveil a crypto bill that’s got more twists than a pretzel. The big question: Can Coinbase keep handing out stablecoin rewards like candy at Halloween? 🎃💸 If not, they’re threatening to take their ball and go home. 🏃♂️💨
Yet, as the sun rose higher, casting its relentless glare on the region’s crypto dreams, one could not help but chuckle at the irony: Monero, the very token outlawed, soared to an all-time high of $596 the same day. A poetic rebellion, one might say, as if the blockchain itself scoffed at mortal regulations. 😏
In the opening with the speed of a pistol shot, Bitcoin, that stubborn child of fortune, shattered its weekend hush. After lingering near the 90,500 mark, the premier digital asset surged past 92,000, reclaiming price levels not seen since the January 7 local peak, as if memory itself jolted awake. 🤔
Some very serious analysts, dressed in their finest suits and armed with fancy charts, are whispering about a possible 50% crash. Isn’t that just delightful? 😱
Usually the New Year carries the “January Effect”: money slides into the market on the back of optimism. This year, that optimism froze. US-listed ETFs shed $46 billion in six trading days, ending January 11, and the pace looked less like a rally and more like a confession.
In a fit of technical analysis, those sage analysts are now fixated on the oh-so-critical Relative Strength Index (RSI), which has plummeted below a comforting level that typically signifies strength. How quaint! One could almost hear the market whispering sweet nothings of uncertainty.
Analyst Bird on X says most people keep their money in banks, earning 4-6% a year. Meanwhile, inflation is quietly stealing your buying power. Like a thief in the night, but with more spreadsheets. 🧮💀
