Cryptonews

In a CryptoQuant post that’s basically the crypto version of a soap opera, OnChain spills the tea: Bitcoin’s weekly chart is throwing 2021-2022 vibes, and not the good kind. They’re mixing technical indicators and on-chain metrics like a bartender on a sugar high-4 Anchored VWAPs (because why not?), SMA50, Realized Price – UTXO Age Bands (6-12 months), and Bitcoin Apparent Demand. 🍸✨ Apparently, these tools are screaming, “Bear market, honey!”

Alon Cohen, co-founder and occasional philosopher of Solana memecoins, took to X (or whatever it’s called this week) to confess, as one might at a village gathering: “Creator fees need change.” A modest statement, yes, but spoken with the gravitas of a man who once believed in decentralization-and now just hopes his project doesn’t get outsold by a dog meme on a rival chain.

Why? Oh, just the usual-reduced trading volumes, low liquidity, and the market being as choppy as my morning oatmeal. 🥣 Bitcoin and altcoins are like, “Let’s go up!” and then immediately, “JK, let’s crash!” Leveraged traders? They’re getting punished harder than a kid who forgot to take out the trash. 🗑️

Bitfinex whales are doing the cha-cha-cha… and it might just be a prelude to a Bitcoin rally! 🕺💸

Yet, lo! Coleman’s gaze turns to MongoDB, that paragon of progress, which has soared 2x in six months, a feat that would make even the most seasoned investor gasp in awe 🚀. What a coup! A $105.84 million wager on a database that’s more reliable than a politician’s promise 💾.

Yet, as the broader crypto market pirouetted into January like a ballerina on caffeine, Pi’s native token remained as still as a stone in a pond. One might say it’s meditating on the futility of existence-or perhaps it’s simply practicing yoga. 🐢

As of Friday, January 9th (yes, we know what day it is, thank you very much), XRP was wallowing at $2.09. That’s a nearly 15% drop from its high point this year. A rather undignified tumble, wouldn’t you say? Observe the tragedy below.

Alon Cohen, co-founder of this grand enterprise, did pen a missive upon X, his first in many moons, lamenting that while the V1 model did attract builders and swell the chains of activity, it failed to sway the average memecoin deployer. “Creator fees may have skewed incentives toward the safe cultivation of tokens rather than the daring trade,” he wrote, as if the traders were the true stewards of this digital realm. 🧠

The Bones of Contention:

The unemployment rate slinked down to 4.4% – a mere 0.1% “miracle” that economists probably celebrated with lukewarm tea. Hourly earnings? Stuck at 3.8% YoY like a broken record scratching the ears of inflation hawks. 🎧