Trump’s grand reveal of his new Fed Chairman choice may just be the plot twist we never knew we needed-or wanted. Spoiler alert: it probably contradicts his own desire to lower interest rates. Because why not add some more drama to this economic soap opera?
Instead, the market is performing a slow, sad slide, with CoinMarketCap revealing that Bitcoin has taken an 8% nosedive in the past week. Oh, the drama!
The BNB chart? It’s a disaster. $900 was the line in the sand, and BNB tripped over it like I trip over my own feet at Whole Foods. Once $880 support turned into a slip ‘n slide, the selling pressure went full-on firehose. Lower highs, lower lows-it’s like a bad relationship. Now $880’s the new resistance, because why not? Just rub it in, market.
The small‑cap tokens, however, perform an engaging dance that eclipses the broader stations, leaving the famed bluechips in slight retreat.
The speed of the collapse was breathtaking, like a poorly constructed set piece crashing mid-performance. Long positions, the optimists of the market, were the hardest hit-over 90% of the liquidated contracts, mostly in Bitcoin and Ether. Stop orders were triggered, margin calls enforced, and volatility spiked, leaving the market as unstable as a Chekhovian family dinner.
Ethereum co-founder Vitalik Buterin is making headlines again! He announced that the Ethereum Foundation (EF) is diving into “mild austerity”-which sounds like the yoga retreat of financial strategies-aiming to deliver a super intense scaling roadmap while also ensuring they don’t run out of snacks at the office.
Ah, São Paulo, the city where the coffee is strong, and the regulations are stronger. It seems they’ve decided that no more will the bright-eyed investors be allowed to register tokenized properties. Back to the drawing board they go!
Even after that big Telegram guy got free, the altcoin still can’t hold a nerve and keeps falling. It’s like a car stuck in first gear that keeps spinning the wheels but doesn’t move forward.
Helix was the brainchild of Larry Dean Harmon, who managed to mix around 354,468 Bitcoin (that’s about 300 million bucks at the time) for those adventurous souls frequenting the darknet drug markets. Who knew that combining cryptocurrency with criminality would lead to such a messy divorce? In 2021, Harmon decided to plead guilty to money laundering-a choice that sounds easier than trying to explain your tax returns to your great-aunt Edna. He was sentenced to three years in prison in November 2024, along with supervised release and asset forfeiture. You know, just enough time to really reflect on his life choices while potentially making some new friends in the slammer.
As the market busies itself re-evaluating trust in currencies and institutions, it appears that the faith is being funneled straight into the impenetrable vaults of gold rather than the whims of crypto wallets. It’s as if the digital gold forgot its lines in a play about currency.
