Oh, what a peculiar morning it was in the land of Bitcoin! The digital coin that everyone loves to chase like a cat after a laser pointer showed about as much excitement as a sleepy sloth after the Bureau of Labor Statistics decided to spill the beans on its long-awaited January jobs report.
Now, don’t get too excited! Our beloved Bitcoin had a little jiggle-yes, a brief price spike-as traders chewed over the baffling numbers. But wait, just like a balloon filled with too much air, it quickly deflated, leaving us with modest gains and a slightly confused look on our faces.
Before the report dropped like a hot potato, Bitcoin was feeling a bit gloomy, under the bearish pressure of uncertainty. But lo and behold, at precisely 13:30, it shot up like a jack-in-the-box, reaching a dizzying peak of around $67,400! Bravo, Bitcoin, bravo!
Goldman Sachs Holding $152M in XRP
But hold your horses, folks! That spike was as short-lived as a sneeze in a quiet library. It seemed to be driven by those sneaky algorithmic traders-who knew robots could dance so awkwardly?
Conflicting data
Then came the grand reveal! The newly minted January Nonfarm Payrolls (NFP) report waltzed in, beating all expectations, but not without a twist of historical revisions that would have left a circus clown scratching his head.
The U.S. economy added a whopping 130,000 jobs in January, more than doubling the timid predictions of around 65,000 to 75,000. Quite the surprise, eh?
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, the unemployment rate did a little shimmy down to 4.3%, giving everyone a reason to pop confetti!
Typically, a “hot” jobs report is about as welcome in the world of risk assets like Bitcoin as a skunk at a garden party. This news gives the Federal Reserve plenty of wiggle room to keep interest rates high, which isn’t exactly music to our ears.
But wait, there’s more! The Bureau of Labor Statistics also threw in an annual benchmark revision that was less like a sunny day and more like a rainstorm. They decided to erase a jaw-dropping 898,000 jobs from the record between April 2024 and March 2025. Oopsie-daisy! This colossal downward adjustment confirmed that the labor market last year was about as solid as a house of cards in a windstorm.
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2026-02-11 18:36