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During his latest livestream-an event akin to a modern-day town hall meeting in a dystopian saga-Hoskinson dispelled the gloomy rumors that Midnight might be the Grim Reaper for Cardano. Instead, he boldly asserted that it would propel DeFi efforts to unimaginable heights, perhaps even tenfold. What a delightful notion! 🚀 The Midnight Network, he argued, serves as a siren song, beckoning users from other shores like Ethereum and Solana to abandon their ships and seek refuge in the welcoming embrace of Cardano.

So, the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has decided to play cop and charged several crypto-linked entities over a whopping $14 million retail investment fraud. Yep, that’s right-$14 million! Meanwhile, we’re just trying to figure out how to afford avocado toast. 🥑

In a plot twist worthy of a Netflix series, Ethereum’s on-chain mojo is rising like a well-crafted sourdough. According to Leon Waidmann, the man with the market insights and a penchant for numbers, Ethereum might just be on the cusp of another epic high note. Yes, the same Ethereum that’s been experiencing a bit of a price funk is now busy crunching more transactions than a coffee shop during the morning rush.

To speak of digital identity is to speak of the self, stripped bare and pixelated. In this century, you are your breadcrumbs-scattered, yes, but oh so telling. A trail of ones and zeros, leading not to Hansel and Gretel’s gingerbread house, but to the very core of your being. 🍞

The FCA, those stern guardians of financial propriety, have deigned to grant Avian Labs the privilege of operating as a crypto services provider in the UK. Previously, the company had already charmed the Dutch regulator with its MiCA license, but this latest triumph cements its European dominion. Bravo! Now Sling Money joins the ranks of the anointed, those crypto firms with the regulatory stamp of approval. How dreadfully respectable. 🎩⚖️

This week, the decentralized perpetuals exchange-like a vigilant guardian of integrity-released a statement affirming that on-chain analysis had unveiled the wallet behind these dubious activities. The ex-employee’s wallet, now as infamous as a certain ill-fated Tsar, is firmly linked to the shenanigans. Hyperliquid reiterated its unwavering stance against trading misconduct, because what’s a little shorting among friends, right?

So, the Philippines is basically Marie Kondo-ing its crypto scene: “Does this exchange spark joy? No? BLOCKED.” ✨ Meanwhile, the internet’s like, “But what about blockchain innovation?!” 🤖

Ah, Polymarket, the decentralized oracle of predictions-now facing the music as it confirmed that a recent hacking escapade was due to an external authentication snafu, not its own temple of data! Those who dared to place their trust in the hands of a wayward third-party service found their accounts ransacked. What a delightful turn of events! 🤦‍♂️