ebaster 
Look, it’s trying, okay? It avoids dropping below $85,500 which, in the grand scheme of things, is…something. It’s managed to string together a series of ‘levels,’ like it’s collecting air miles. Honestly, the mental gymnastics these analysts employ. 🤦♀️
The culprit? Bitcoin’s “unlucky 13” problem. A stubborn resistance level looms 13% above the current price, casting a shadow over every rally. Until this barrier falls, Bitcoin’s ascent will remain a Sisyphean endeavor. 🪦
Apparently, this was part of some genius governance plan to tie the protocol’s revenue to the token’s value. Because, you know, nothing says “financial stability” like setting money on fire. 🤷♂️
As the rumor mill churned, fueled by mere screenshots on Bithomp showcasing an XRP Ledger account emblazoned with “NotSatoshi”, enterprising members of the XRP community leapt at the prospect, treating it as if a letter had been found in an old coat pocket, spelling clues in the eternal guessing game unfolding whenever Satoshi’s ghost haunts the Bitcoin corridors.
At a pitiful $2,945, Ethereum is down a staggering 40% from its yearly high. And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse-oh, but it does-it’s forming yet another “risky pattern.” Because, really, what’s a crypto winter without a few ominous shapes? ❄️
As the year bids farewell and fireworks light up the skies, Sui is expected to encounter fresh wounds as bearish dominance appears more certain than ever, with supply likely to swell with additional capital inflow (oh joy). This looming menace, my friends, is right around the corner thanks to a colossal token unlock, or as the experts call it, the source of its upcoming misery.
Venezuela, it turns out, has really taken a liking to stablecoins, specifically USDT. Apparently, when the world’s financial systems decide you’re a bit…unwelcome, you start looking at other options. Who knew? 🤷
Apparently 2025 was… not amazing for Bitcoin. It hovered around $87,000 instead of hitting that nice, round six-figure number everyone was hoping for. But according to Novogratz, it’s fine! Really! It’s all about the “foundation for future money,” which is a phrase I’m pretty sure everyone in crypto uses when things aren’t going as planned. 🤷♀️ Apparently, regulations and… infrastructure? Those are good things!
Polygon’s token is wobbling around at 0.1030-roughly 85% less glamorous than its November 2024 spotlight, but don’t let that fool you; the network stats are all dressed up and raring to go.
As per the insights of one Kamile Uray (a very respectable fellow), the watch remains fixed on the $90,588 mark and that smug descending blue trendline. Until Bitcoin can elevate itself above these hurdles, the downtrend shall prevail. Any upward thumps beneath the trendline are merely ornate blisters on the larger downturn, deviously masquerading as hopeful flukes.
