ebaster

In a stirring display of detective prowess, the independent trailblazer known as ZachXBT, on the 29th day of December, unraveled threads of mischief in a web spun across X, Telegram, and other social landscapes. The rascal, nicknamed “Haby (Havard),” had concocted a feast of falsehoods, siphoning riches only to squander them on petty extravagances like rare digital monikers, vain displays of flamboyance, and the alchemy of gambling. 😏💰

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a good yarn, but this one’s got more twists than a barrel of pretzels. Ethereum and Solana, he says, will outperform-no surprise there, those two are like the fancy dandies at a hog-killing party. Meanwhile, the fintech Layer‑1s? Well, they’re just sitting there, underdelivering like a mule with a hangover. 🐌

So, Ethereum started its recovery wave, briefly flirted with $3,000, and then-like a bad first date-things went south. Fast. A high of $3,053? Cute. But then the bears showed up, and suddenly it’s trading below $2,950, looking for its security blanket. 🧸 The price hit a low of $2,907 and is now consolidating losses, which is just a fancy way of saying it’s sitting in the corner, sulking.

As of now, Flow has announced they’ve reached “validator consensus” on their new software upgrade-because nothing says “we’re on top of this” like a bunch of validators agreeing on something after a multi-million-dollar oopsie. Testing is currently underway, which sounds like a fancy way of saying, “We’re crossing our fingers and hoping for the best!” 🤞

Lo and behold, our dear asset ascended by a delightful 2.45% during this session, much to the delight of traders sipping their morning coffees on X, who eagerly shared their fanciful dreams of further gains. Hope sprouted like weeds in a neglected garden!

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In the U.S., the search interest for “crypto” has hit a one-year low, which is about as surprising as finding out your in-laws are staying for another week. 🛋️ Casual investors, once the lifeblood of crypto’s wild rides, are now too busy Googling “how to regrow hair after stress” to bother with Bitcoin. The dip comes after a year that was more turbulent than a rollercoaster designed by a sadist-market sell-offs, flash crashes, and memecoin collapses tied to high-profile figures (looking at you, Trump/Melania tokens). 🎢💸

From a technical standpoint, our daily charts trot out multiple long-wick rejections near the sacred number $0.000004 since the grand season of Q3 2025. It seems our brave buyers are quite enamored with this price zone, despite the waning momentum. And lo! On the weekly stage, we see a dramatic compression of prices within narrowing candlestick ranges-ah, the suspense! This often heralds either a period of consolidation or a bold breakout-perhaps a daring escape? 🌟

CoinShares, that ever-watchful oracle of the crypto realm, reports a staggering $446 million in outflows last week. Dear me, one can only imagine the pearls being clutched in boardrooms across the globe! 💎✨

The “safety trade” crumbled too. Gold, once a noble hero, now faltered by 3.1%, while silver, platinum, and palladium descended into a ballet of despair-8.37%, 12.67%, 16.07% down, each hitting lows that would make a gluttonous gull turn away. A symphony of losses, if you will.