ebaster

On the fateful December 31, as the calendar waltzed to its final dance, the FIU (Financial Intelligence Unit, or as some call them-crypto’s friendly neighborhood enforcers) announced that Korbit had accumulated a delightful souvenir: a 2.73 billion won fine. A number so grand, it almost sounds like an entrepreneurial joke gone wrong, revealing the cozy chaos in its AML and customer verification systems. Think of it as a bureaucratic slapstick-failure after failure, nearly 22,000 violations, all under one roof-sounding more like a seasonal sale than serious regulation. 🎉

For the past month and a half, Bitcoin has been in a symmetrical triangle, which is just a fancy way of saying buyers and sellers are having a stalemate. The range keeps narrowing, like a reality show argument that’s about to explode. 💥 The setup screams, “Something’s gotta give!” and it’s probably going to be dramatic. Popcorn not included.

Look at the chart! SHIB has been doing the crypto equivalent of a sad trombone solo for months. It’s stuck below moving averages like a bad haircut you can’t fix. But here’s the twist: when SHIB slithered into the $0.000007 region, sellers suddenly forgot why they were mad. Volume dropped like a mic at a karaoke bar, and the candles? They got cozy, not catastrophic. Turns out, even bears get tired of growling. 🐻💤

In this latest escapade, Binance announced, with the flourish of a conductor’s baton over his orchestra, the permanent curtailment concerning several digital pairings. Their commencement, marked by the date of January 6th, found no reason proffered, to add to the participants’ curiosity. “Ah, but wherefore doth simplicity err in providing explanations?” one might musically muse.

Bitcoin, that harlequin of hubris, and her cronies in the altcoin realm, now trade with the vigor of a drowsy parakeet in a library. Two-week trading volumes have slithered into the abyss, last seen lurking in the shadows of December 2024. Ethereum and Solana, once kings of the algorithmic disco, now sashay through weeks with less than half the glitz of their past selves-a tragedy witnessed by statistical gnomes from Santiment.

BC Card – yes, Korea’s answer to Visa, Mastercard, and my overdraft worries – has officially teamed up with Coinbase. Because apparently, fiat wasn’t confusing enough, so now we’re mixing it with crypto? 🤯

According to the esteemed Google Trends, the phrase “Bitchat” has ascended in Uganda’s search rankings faster than a courtier’s rise after a king’s favor. What a spectacle!

On December 30th, you dropped ¥69.855 billion (yes, you read that right) on 4,279 BTC. That’s like buying a whole wardrobe of sensible knickers and then some. Your Bitcoin stash now sits at a cool 35,102 BTC, making you one of the world’s biggest crypto hoarders. Go on, show off. 💅✨

The year 2025, let’s just say it wasn’t ideal for anyone holding crypto. Hackers went on a bit of a spree, targeting exchanges, DeFi platforms (whatever those are, precisely), wallets, and those incredibly complicated smart contracts. The result? Billions of dollars disappeared into the ether (pun intended, naturally). It was all rather exposing – like finding your embarrassing childhood photos on Facebook, but with money. 💸

Another curious wallet, fresh as a spring bloom, received 32,938 ETH ($97.8M) from FalconX. Signs point to Bitmine’s handiwork, suggesting its appetite for ETH remains insatiable. Très vorace! 🐺