ebaster So here we are, Jupiter, a decentralized exchange orbiting the Solana network, is mulling over the idea of ending its extravagant $JUP token buyback program-after the grand total of over $70 million spent in 2025. Seems like a lot of cash to just watch it sit there, doesn’t it?
According to the ever-watchful Lookonchain, our mysterious whale, known only as “0x4553,” has been busier than a dwarf in a gem mine. Between 2019 and 2023, this crafty critter snapped up 21,000 ETH for a cool $61.4 million, at an average price that’d make a troll blush-$2,922. 🤑
According to the oracles at CoinMarketCap, XRP leaped by over 5.7% in a single day, outshining even the mighty Bitcoin. From the depths of $1.89, it soared to a peak of $2.05, reclaiming the $2 throne with the grace of a ballet dancer and the force of a rocket launch. 🚀 As of this scribbling, it trades at $2.01, a 5.8% ascent that has left the bears growling in frustration.
DOGE is on a tear today, shooting up like a rocket with a firecracker up its tailpipe-8.60% gain, baby! 🚀🤑
Tyson Foods and Tyson Fresh Meats are dropping $55 million, while Cargill and its meat squad are chipping in $32.5 million. All this to settle claims they were secretly high-fiving each other instead of competing. You know, the classic “Let’s not undercut each other, let’s just overcharge everyone” move. 🤝
On that fateful Friday, our protagonist, Lichtenstein, revealed his newfound freedom, having endured the monumental hardship of a full year behind bars for the grand theft of over 120,000 Bitcoin (BTC) from the crypto exchange Bitfinex. The very notion that a five-year sentence could be tempered by such a fleeting time in incarceration ignites a spark of irony within the soul, does it not? 💰
Damage control is the only thing keeping this ship afloat, folks. And by “ship,” I mean a leaky raft made of digital confetti. The 426 billion SHIB netflow? Oh, that’s just the universe’s way of saying, “Here’s a number, now panic.” 📉 But hey, maybe it’s just a bunch of tokens taking a walk. 🚶♂️
According to the town crier (everyone loves a bit of Bloomberg), Strategy might have to admit to taking a tumble from a $2.8 billion profit from an earlier quarter to a rather substantial loss. Think of it as going from eating chili for breakfast to sipping snail tea; it’s quite the contrast!
Early Saturday morning, as if scripted for maximum chaos, Caracas erupted in explosions around 2:00 am (0600 GMT). Flames danced with such flair even Beyoncé might’ve choreographed the moves. Smoke, aircraft allegedly buzzing overhead, and citywide power outages – because the world needs more callbacks to Katrina-level stress.
So, Tether-the stablecoin people who love printing money out of thin air-decided to invest in SQRIL, a company that’s basically duct-taping QR payment systems together across Asia, Africa, and Latin America. 🎉