ebaster Crypto.com has just achieved what many thought was impossible: securing a VASP license from the Cayman Islands Monetary Authority, a feat akin to convincing a librarian to let you borrow a book with a time machine. 🧠 The conditional license allows them to expand their services, but only if they promise to behave. 🤯
As the clock struck 2025, AMBCrypto whispered tales of a 1.15% monthly Sui unlock, a potential tsunami of selling pressure. Yet, the market, that fickle lover, has turned its back on despair. A miracle? Or just a temporary respite before the inevitable crash? 🌩️
Market caps? USDC’s shot up 73% to a hefty $75.12 billion, while USDT, still trying to stay relevant at $186.6 billion, only managed a modest 36% growth. Last year? USDC was even hotter, growing 77% versus USDT’s 50%. Looks like USDC is doing its homework. 📚
Behold, Apex Season 3-a gladiatorial arena of trading where $450k will be tossed to the wolves (and their portfolios) until February 1, 2026. Leaderboards bloom like crypto’s own Garden of Eden, ripe for daily, weekly, and monthly conquests. Meanwhile, the New Year Futures Boost offers a $200k “safety net” (if you believe in nets made of code). It’s a New Year’s resolution wrapped in a risk-mitigation fund, because who doesn’t want to lose money responsibly? 🚀
The 15th of January loomed like a specter, the anticipated launch date of the CLARITY Act, a legislative endeavor destined to end the era of “regulation by enforcement” that has plagued U.S. crypto firms for years. 🧠
According to crypto Twitter and a few overly caffeinated experts, the DOJ’s U.S. Marshals Service (USMS) allegedly sold 57.55 BTC (aka $6M in digital gold) in November 2025 via Coinbase Prime. The Bitcoin? Seized from Samourai Wallet co-founders Keonne Rodriguez and William Lonergan Hill. 🚨
Meanwhile, the other little rascals-those altcoins-are out dancin’ around with even bigger leaps. Ripple’s XRP, that eager little critter, is leadin’ the pack, jumpin’ almost 10% in a single day. It’s like it drank a lot of whiskey and decided to take a joyride to $2.40 before settling down a smidge at $2.35. Who knew a crypto could be so spry? 🚀💥
It is said – and the whispers are growing louder, more insistent – that the Department of Justice, in a move that smacks of… shortsightedness… has disposed of $6.3 million worth of Bitcoin, seized from those unfortunate souls who dared to build a different financial structure. Keonne Rodriguez and William Lonergan Hill, their names now etched into the stone of unintended consequences. A paltry sum, perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, but a symbol. A symbol of what? A lack of foresight? A disdain for the directives emanating from the highest office? 🧐
In a Jan. 5 communiqué, Kontigo admitted-with the reluctant grace of a man caught in a compromising position-that they had “detected unauthorized access that affected the funds of some users.”
Prediction markets-where you can stake your paycheck on elections, wars, or whether Congress will ever agree on anything-are now under scrutiny. Who knew that classified intel could be so… profitable? 🤔 Torres’ bill aims to slam shut the loophole that lets officials treat geopolitics like a roulette wheel. Because if there’s one thing worse than insider trading, it’s insider trading with explosions. 💥