ebaster

The broader crypto market? A circus of indecision. Bitcoin snoozes sideways, Ethereum yawns at regulatory drama, and here comes DOGE, the shiba inu with a rocket strapped to its back. 🚀 Traders, bored of waiting for macroeconomic fireworks, have turned to meme coins like kids raiding a candy store after dark. High-beta assets! Because who needs stability when you can have chaos and a 50% dump by breakfast? 🍌

For years, Kashkari has maintained that crypto’s primary use case is confusing investors. In 2018, he dismissed the market as a “farce,” a term I’m certain he uses affectionately. By 2020, he’d upgraded to calling it a “giant dumpster of digital delusion 🗑️” and praised the SEC for finally “cleaning up the mess.” One wonders if he’s secretly running a side hustle as a cryptic janitor.

In a tweet that’s more dramatic than a Hot Priest revelation, Bill Morgan explained that Ripple couldn’t exactly shout from the rooftops about XRP without the SEC knocking on their door with a lawsuit. “Unregistered security,” they said. “Sue-worthy,” they implied. And yet, they still got sued. Because, of course they did. 🤦♀️

The SEC, ever the benevolent overlord, has chosen not to unleash its enforcement dragons. Investigations, which began with the solemnity of a funeral for innovation, now end with the grace of a bureaucratic sigh. The Zcash Foundation, in a statement dripping with faux humility, claimed this outcome proves their “commitment to transparency.” One wonders if they’ve ever heard of irony. 🤷♂️

Whales, those leviathans of liquidity, paddle their digital yachts through the waves of institutional fervor. Their gills flared, they hoard ETH with the greed of a 19th-century tycoon eyeing a gold rush. 🐳💰

Zooming out, the cosmic ballet is even more dazzling. Three months of stellar growth-120% brighter! But what of gravity, that old Earthly bore? Is this a pause for breath, or a prelude to oblivion? The cosmos, ever cryptic, offers no answers. 🌠

The bears, those sly old jesters of the market, whisper of a coming storm. A correction, they say, as inevitable as the sun’s descent. But who are we to dismiss the counsel of creatures so intimately acquainted with despair?

Raydium (RAY) is currently trading for $1.25, up by 6.8% over the past 24 hours, following Coinbase’s announcement that the altcoin can now be traded on its platform. 😏💹

BitMine Immersion Technologies has, in a fit of crypto-enthusiasm, staked 1.53 million ETH. This is roughly 4% of all ETH locked in the Beacon Chain, or as we like to call it, “The Great Ethereum Vault.”

Instead of cartwheeling into the market, these big fish are adding tiny scoops to three tokens-like a cautious chef seasoning a stew, not dumping the whole salt shaker. They’re tracking key levels, signalling “we might buy some more, or maybe just testing the waters.”