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He warned brave investors to sell their precious digital bits before the inevitable ‘crash’-because, of course, what could possibly go wrong? Meanwhile, the crypto world was busy celebrating a “huge sucker’s rally,” as Schiff so elegantly called it, dismissing recent gains as nothing more than a mirage-an illusion conjured by the naive or the gullible. “Uncertain macro world,” he said, implying that choosing Bitcoin over gold was about as sensible as betting on a pig to win a race. 🐷🏁

So, this analyst, Ali Martinez-very impressive name, I’m sure-posts this chart on X (formerly Twitter, can we please just pick a name?). He’s “hearing” about this super cycle. Hearing? Like it’s whispered on the wind? What is this, a fortune cookie? 🍪

These pioneers, these visionaries who once acquired Bitcoin for mere trifles – less than a hundred of those paper dollars, imagine! – and then watched it blossom into…well, a different sort of trifle, a digital one of considerable magnitude, are now pausing to consider the nature of accumulation. A strange notion, isn’t it? To cease accumulating?

This steady allocation, they say, suggests “long-term positioning.” A fine phrase indeed! Much like saying the village idiot is “contemplating life” while staring at a turnip.

In a missive to SEC Chairman Paul Atkins, the venerable Representatives Maxine Waters, Sean Casten, and Brad Sherman have deigned to express their most profound displeasure. They bemoan the SEC’s abandonment of at least a dozen crypto enforcement cases since the dawn of 2025, a period marked by Trump’s reign. Imagine, if you will, the SEC dismissing suits against Binance, Coinbase, and Kraken-despite the courts favoring their claims of fraud and unregistered securities! The Commission, it seems, hath chosen regulatory discretion over legal triumph, a decision as baffling as a heroine accepting the wrong gentleman. 💔📜

The wallet was created eight years ago, in January 2018. Eight years old? That’s like crypto senior citizen status! It was launched as the first open-source Monero wallet for iOS, founded by Vikrant Sharma with a mission to make financial privacy and self-custody accessible to everyone. Cake Wallet has been working towards that goal adding support for other privacy coins and features like Bitcoin BTC$95 74524h volatility:1.6%Market cap:$1.91 TVol. 24h:$63.25 B silent payments, Litecoin LTC$72.0624h volatility:7.4%Market cap:$5.53 BVol. 24h:$1.17 B MWEB, and more. Yawn. 😴

Now, this prophecy rests precariously upon the delicate balance of the XRP/BTC ratio, which our astute Bird predicts will somersault to an improbable 1:5,000 by the time we bid adieu to 2026. Yes, you read that right-5,000 XRP, a veritable flock, would equal a singular Bitcoin (BTC). At present, this ratio is lounging around the paltry figure of 0.00002235. Quite the humble abode, wouldn’t you say?

Here’s the hot gossip: CIP for Leios is basically done (83% complete, but who’s counting?), Midnight’s perpetual futures are now on Coinbase (hello, $NIGHT fever!), ADA’s cozying up in new ETF applications (Cyber Hornet and ProShares, you fancy!), Google Cloud is staking its claim on the testnet (tech giants, they’re just like us!), and some mysterious “critical integrations” are coming soon. Vague? Yes. Exciting? Absolutely. 🕵️‍♀️✨

Prices? Stable! Volumes? As lively as a tax seminar. 🥱 The Fear and Greed Index now twitches at 54, a “neutral” rating that screams, “We’re either brave or brain-dead-jury’s out.” Last month it was 24, a number so low it made Hamlet look decisive. Yet here we are: optimism, the eternal optimist, has returned-armed with a snoozing bullhorn.

Alas, our dear Bitcoin (BTC) has experienced a minor fall-a 0.78% decline since the sun rose yesterday. One can almost hear its sad tune echoing across the digital plains.