ebaster The 90-year-old burger legend (yes, they’re older than your grandma’s knitting) is now converting its fryer profits into Bitcoin under its “Bitcoin-to-Burger” plan-because nothing says “modern” like turning cheese into crypto. 🧀➡️💰
Now, let’s not forget that this little privacy marvel boasts a market cap of $11.41 billion. That’s billion with a “B,” which is an impressive amount of digital cash unless you’re the one watching it evaporate like morning dew. It also had a moment of glory on Wednesday, 14 January, when it registered an all-time high of $799. This spurt in price was apparently related to a hardware wallet attack on 10 January-because why not turn a tragedy into a price rally? 🥳
According to CoinGlass (which, frankly, sounds like a wizard’s crystal ball 🧙🔮), Cardano’s futures volume on Bitmex surged a jaw-dropping 10,654.62% – reaching $40.04 million. That’s not a market move, that’s a financial firework show with a side of confetti cannons! 🎉🧨
Christopher Wood, that venerable sage of financial strategies, recently decided to part ways with a modest 10% of his precious Bitcoin, which he once enthusiastically championed since the pandemic’s dawn in December 2020. Now, with a sigh of imminent catastrophe, he admits that rampant quantum computing might just turn the crypto world upside down-like a toddler with a teapot. ☕👶
Retail commentators, those harbingers of doom, continue to wail and gnash their teeth across social channels. Yet, the price, with a sly wink and a nod, has diverged sharply from their apocalyptic narrative. Sellers, poor souls, attempted multiple breakdowns but failed to force a continuation. Instead, buyers, like loyal clowns absorbing the blows, held their ground near support. Ah, the theater of the market-where fear peaks and prices stabilize, and the balance shifts as quietly as a cat burglar in the night. 🦹♂️🤡
Crypto markets, that most capricious of lovers, may soon be entering a period of brief, flirtatious rallies, according to the ever-eloquent Benjamin Cowen. In his latest missive, the Q1 2026 Crypto Macro Risk Memo, Cowen posits that Bitcoin has long since abandoned its grand growth phase, now content to sulk in the shadows of its former glory. 🧊
This weekend’s big question: Is GameFi finally waking up-or is this just a caffeine-fueled delusion before the 3 PM crypto crash? 🤷♂️
Exquisite Tragedy Highlights:
The Committee’s Chair, Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa), and ranking member, Dick Durbin (D-Illinois), raised an alarm about a section of the bill. 🎵 Their alarm was as effective as a wet noodle in a hurricane, but hey, at least they tried.
In a thrilling twist of fate-or perhaps mere chance-Soros Fund Management has revealed through the meticulous 13F filings (those delightful documents that make one’s heart race with excitement) that they have acquired more than 1.843 million shares of Amazon, a sum worth a staggering $404.808 million in the third quarter of 2025. Who knew buying shares could feel like striking gold at the end of an exhausting dig? 🤑✨