Quantum Boogeyman: Bitcoin Devs Yawn at Nic Carter’s Doomsday Warnings

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Oh, the drama! The Bitcoin boffins, those clever clogs, are having a jolly good chuckle at the notion that quantum computing might nibble at their cryptographic cake. Nic Carter, the self-appointed guardian of the crypto galaxy, has been busy compiling their snickers and shrugs into a grand index of indifference.

Carter’s Index: Bitcoin Devs Say “Meh” to Quantum Doom-Mongering

Ah, Nic Carter, the chap who’d have you believe the quantum sky is falling, has been poking his nose into Bitcoin developers’ business. This general partner at Castle Island Ventures and co-founder of Coin Metrics has been collecting their thoughts like a child hoarding sweets, only to find they’re not biting at his quantum scare stories. How dreadfully embarrassing!

In his Substack scribbles, Carter scours forums, mailing lists, and public tittle-tattle to prove the developers are “sleepwalking” into a quantum apocalypse. But lo and behold, the developers are more concerned with their tea going cold than with quantum computers breaking elliptic curve cryptography. How utterly inconvenient for Carter’s narrative!

On Wednesday, our dear Nic took to the social media platform X (formerly known as Twitter, where birds once sang) to proclaim, “Bitcoin developers are not concerned about quantum risk – with receipts.” Oh, the receipts! How very official. He even invited developers to squabble over their quotes, as if they’ve nothing better to do than correct his homework.

My piece profiles the attitudes of about 40 different Bitcoin developers in their own words, if you disagree with how I’ve characterized your view, do pop me a DM or email. I’ll update it, darling.

The developers, bless their cotton socks, point out that quantum breakthroughs are about as likely as finding a unicorn in your garden. Even if they did happen, they’d be as slow as a snail on a Sunday stroll, giving the network plenty of time to fiddle with upgrades. No need for panic, just a spot of tea and a biscuit.

A snapshot of Carter’s compilation, or as the developers call it, “Much Ado About Nothing.”

The naysayers, of course, are wringing their hands about Bitcoin’s decentralized governance. “Oh, the horror!” they cry. “What if the quantum boogeyman strikes and the developers can’t agree on a fix?” Well, darlings, the developers seem to think they’ll manage just fine, thank you very much.

Another gem from Carter’s collection, proving developers have a sense of humor.

Some researchers, with their heads in the clouds, warn that quantum computers could snatch private keys like a magpie with a shiny coin. But the developers, ever practical, remind everyone that Bitcoin keeps keys under lock and key, and users can be as cautious as a cat on a hot tin roof if they wish.

Yet another screenshot, because one simply can’t have enough.

Carter’s compilation reveals the developers pushing back on these doomsday predictions with all the grace of a ballet dancer. They insist that theoretical vulnerabilities are about as threatening as a toothless tiger. And as for BIP360, well, that’s a nice idea, but they’re not holding their breath.

The developers, ever the pragmatists, point out the trade-offs: bigger transactions, slower performance, and compatibility headaches. They’d rather not fix what isn’t broken, thank you very much. After all, Bitcoin’s philosophy is to move slowly and carry a big stick of peer review.

Carter, bless his heart, claims his index is just an “observational snapshot,” not a manifesto. He’s simply highlighting the gap between public panic and developer calm. How very diplomatic of him.

As quantum research trundles along, the question remains: will Bitcoin don a quantum-resistant suit? For now, the developers are sipping their tea, unperturbed. Carter’s findings suggest they’re in no rush to join his quantum panic party.

FAQ ❓

  • What did Nic Carter analyze?
    Carter compiled public statements from Bitcoin developers, who were far too busy to worry about his quantum worries.
  • Are Bitcoin developers worried about quantum attacks?
    Worried? They’re practically snoring through the quantum alarm.
  • Could Bitcoin upgrade to resist quantum computing?
    Theoretically, yes. Practically, they’re not losing sleep over it.
  • Who is Nic Carter?
    A chap who’d have you believe the quantum sky is falling, while the developers carry on with their tea.

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2026-02-05 11:18