Oh, honey, buckle up because the Epstein files are serving us a hot mess of a buffet, and guess who’s on the menu? Michael Saylor, the crypto king who apparently paid $25K to be the most awkward person in the room. Iconic.
According to newly unsealed documents from the U.S. Department of Justice (because who doesn’t love a good government exposé?), Jeffrey Epstein’s social circle was less “elite” and more “who paid to be here?” Among the highlights? A 2010 email from Peggy Siegal that reads like a bad Yelp review for humanity.
The email spills the tea on Saylor, calling him a “complete creep” with “no personality” and comparing him to a “zombie on a drug.” Ouch. But wait, it gets better: “He was so weird that even I ran away from him.” Peggy, you’re my hero. Also, his only conversation starter was apparently, “I have a yacht I’m taking to Cannes.” Groundbreaking.
“Saylor is a complete creep. He has no personality. Sort of like a zombie on a drug.”
“We had smart directors sitting next to him and his idiot gorgeous date and could not get any conversation out of him except ‘I have a yacht I am taking to Cannes’. I walked him around and he was so weird that even I ran away from him.”
At this point, Bitcoin wasn’t even on his radar-he was just a guy with a yacht and a dream (and apparently no social skills). Fast forward to today, and the crypto community is eating this up like it’s free tokens at a blockchain conference.
Crypto Twitter Loses Its Mind
Naturally, the internet had thoughts. Autism Capital chimed in with a meme that’s probably already NFT-ified by now:
Another X user summed it up perfectly: “He isn’t implicated in crimes, just described as ‘boring as a zombie’ who paid $25k to sit with celebs. Michael was just trying to buy clout but was too dull for the party lol.” Accurate.
“This is one of those moments where the insult accidentally turns into lore.”
Epstein’s Crypto Connections: Because Why Not?
But wait, there’s more! The Epstein files also reveal that he was cozying up to the crypto world like it was a seed round he couldn’t resist. A 2014 email exchange between Blockstream co-founder Austin Hill, MIT Media Lab director Joi Ito, and Epstein shows Epstein getting in on a crypto investment fund. Because of course he did.
Hill even proposed upping Epstein’s allocation from $50K to $500K. Bold move, Austin. Meanwhile, Epstein was also dropping hints about Bitcoin’s “founders,” fueling the Satoshi Nakamoto conspiracy theories. What a guy.
Oh, and let’s not forget Kevin Warsh, former Federal Reserve Governor, who’s also in the mix. No evidence of wrongdoing, but in today’s political climate, this is the kind of connection that makes you go, “Hmmmm.”
In conclusion, these documents are a masterclass in how money, power, and awkward yacht owners collide. Epstein’s network was less “elite” and more “who’s paying to be here?” and honestly, I’m here for the chaos.
Final (Snarky) Thoughts
- Epstein’s crypto connections prove he was the ultimate FOMO investor-even in sketchy ventures.
- Michael Saylor’s $25K donation got him a seat at the table, but his zombie-like charm ensured he’d never be invited back.
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2026-02-03 15:45