Ah, the wondrous world of Bitcoin, where numbers dance like drunken dwarves and predictions are about as reliable as a wizard’s weather forecast. Crypto soothsayer Maelius, with a chart in one hand and a cup of strong, black coffee in the other, has peered into the murky crystal ball of Bitcoin’s past to divine its future. According to this modern-day Rincewind of the markets, the flagship crypto might yet plummet below $60,000 before it finds its bottom-a bottom so elusive, it makes a troll’s sense of humor look cheerful.
In a post on the mystical platform X (formerly known as Twitter, where birds once sang and now only squawk), Maelius waved his analytical wand and pointed out that BTC.d (Bitcoin dominance, for those not fluent in cryptose) hasn’t yet had its dramatic sell-off. “Curiouser and curiouser,” he muttered, channeling his inner Alice in Blockchainland. He reminisced about the halcyon days of 2017 and 2021, when Bitcoin topped and BTC.d crashed like a poorly constructed bridge in a Discworld novel. But this time? Crickets. Or rather, the sound of bears sharpening their claws and bulls flexing their horns.
Maelius, ever the contrarian, suggested that perhaps Bitcoin hasn’t topped yet. “Fractal analysts say it has,” he noted, “but BTC.d is sitting there like a stubborn donkey refusing to budge.” He then threw a spanner in the works by suggesting that Bitcoin might still gallop toward previous highs, even as BTC.d teeters on the edge of a precipice. “It’s like watching a clown car,” he quipped, “you never know how many surprises are left inside.”
But fear not, dear investors, for Maelius assures us that higher prices are as inevitable as Death showing up at a party. “The structure remains bullish,” he declared, “and until the bears can prove otherwise, they’re just huffing and puffing.” He urged market participants to hold onto their digital coins like a dwarf holds onto its axe-tightly and with a healthy dose of suspicion.
Meanwhile, in a different corner of the crypto tavern, Benjamin Cowen, a popular analyst with a penchant for long-term predictions, has doubled down on his claim that Bitcoin has indeed topped. “It always tops in the fourth quarter of the post-halving year,” he intoned, as if reading from the Great Book of Crypto Omens. He predicts a bear market until the end of the year, followed by a grand accumulation phase between 2027 and 2028. By 2032, he says, Bitcoin could reach $300,000 to $500,000, and by 2042, a cool $1 million. “Or,” he added with a shrug, “it could all go horribly wrong. Who knows?”
At the time of writing, Bitcoin is trading at around $83,900, up in the last 24 hours, according to the ancient scrolls of CoinMarketCap. Whether it’s headed for the moon or a crater, one thing’s for sure: the ride will be bumpy, and the popcorn will be delicious.
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2026-01-31 18:42