CNYEUR

The last time Dogecoin ETFs saw a flicker of interest was Feb. 2, when they snatched $252,530 from the ether. Since then, they’ve been about as exciting as a spreadsheet with no numbers. Over their entire existence, these products have scraped together a grand total of $7.45 million. For context, that’s roughly the price of a mid-2010s smartphone. Meanwhile, XRP ETFs are out there raking in $1.2 billion, because apparently, investors prefer a “bridge asset” over a cryptocurrency that’s basically a joke with a blockchain.

In this arena of the absurd, only one of the twenty gladiators dares to stand tall, while the rest crumble under the weight of their own ambition. AAVE, once a proud warrior, now lies in the dust, its value slashed by a staggering 10%. Oh, the hubris of the digital age!

Let me get this straight – Bitcoin’s rebound isn’t powered by leveraged lunatics this time? Shocking! Turns out U.S. buyers are actually using real money (remember that concept?) through proper platforms instead of playing hot potato with derivatives. It’s like the crypto market suddenly remembered how to adult.

In a tale straight out of a Dickensian crypto noir, Delhi Police have corralled four merry bandits accused of swindling folks with counterfeit USDT schemes. These enterprising fraudsters, who apparently thought “policeman” was a convincing costume for a heist, left victims trembling and penniless.

The kerfuffle between the U.S., Israel, and Iran has shone a lantern on them prediction markets, where folks wager on calamity like it’s a horse race. Murphy’s now hell-bent on regulatin’ these platforms, after hearin’ tales of insider tradin’ that’d make a riverboat gambler blush.

Midnight ($NIGHT) is weeks away from its Kukolu mainnet. And the A-list celebrities throwing confetti at its launch party? Not your average crypto groupies.

From the dusty ledgers of CryptoRank, March has danced as one of the strongest-upward movers in record. Since 2015, only January and May dared to outshine that marching month in mean gains.

The initiative aims to build “blockchain rails” between Hong Kong and Shanghai, where trade data, eBLs, and financing systems will dance in a tango of efficiency. Officials call it a “modernization” of a system still stuck in the age of quills and parchment. Bold move, or a fool’s errand dressed in tech jargon? You decide.

Japan’s mobile payments giant PayPay has filed to go public in the United States, seeking to raise up to $1.1 billion in an offering that could value the company at approximately $13.4B at the top end of its proposed price range.

It’s a time of uncertainty, and lo and behold, Iran’s largest crypto exchange, Nobitex, has witnessed a curious surge in withdrawals. The world’s greatest minds-er, the crypto investors-are moving their funds swiftly, as geopolitical tension starts sending ripples through their digital wallets. Nobitex, which proudly handles over 87% of Iran’s crypto activities (because, who doesn’t like dominance?), is the center of this exciting, if not entirely reassuring, wave of capital flight.