CNYEUR

In a tale that would make even the most seasoned Wodehousian eyebrows raise, the Gwangju District Prosecutors’ Office concluded a most peculiar episode of Bitcoin retrieval. The booty, totaling 320.8 BTC, was sold at market prices, netting a tidy sum of roughly 31.59 billion won-about $22 million for those keeping score in dollars rather than wonky units.

Yet, for all its pretensions, AI remains but a squire to the knight of human traders, offering counsel from the shadows rather than wielding the sword of direct action. The core trading infrastructure, that ancient fortress of human control, remains unbreached by these digital sycophants.

Crypto market strength extended into Tuesday, with bitcoin gaining by 3.9% since midnight UTC to trade at $71,000 while ether (ETH) is back above $2,000, a level it recently had problems surpassing. Oh, here we go again-crypto’s version of a yo-yo diet.

The rebound also pushed Bitcoin above its Exponential Moving Average (EMA9) near $68,428, signaling short-term bullish momentum. Or, as I like to call it, “the market’s version of a confidence boost after a bad day at the office.”

Just this Monday, Dogecoin valiantly bounced 3% from Sunday’s abyss and reclaimed the $0.091 level, a heroic feat considering it had briefly vanished thanks to the Middle East turmoil, which, naturally, affects everything from oil to internet cats. The coin has waltzed between $0.086 and $0.100 these past two weeks, occasionally flirting with a daring high of $0.104 before sulking back to its grimy lows alongside its sorry market companions.

Interestingly, the rebound follows a technical pattern that previously triggered a strong rally. Yet this time, several on-chain indicators suggest the recovery may face stronger resistance ahead, as if the market itself is saying, “Not so fast, young grasshopper.”

But lo and behold, the market’s got more bears than a circus, and they’re all busy shorting like it’s their last day on earth. These shorties are throwing caution to the wind, and if history’s any judge, they’re about to learn why you don’t bet your last dollar on a horse named “Disaster.” March 2026? Sounds like the setup for a punchline.