Japan’s Willy Wonka of Bitcoin Just Bought $380M in Crypto! 🍫💰

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Oh, ho! Gather ‘round, boys and girls, for a tale so wild it makes the BFG look like a bedtime storyteller! 🎩✨ Meet Metaplanet – not your average Japanese firm, no sir, but a full-blown Bitcoin-chomping, number-crunching, finance-flipping monster of modern times. 🏢👹

Like a greedy squirrel hoarding acorns before an apocalyptic winter (or Elon Musk hoarding memes), Metaplanet has once again dipped its corporate paws into the great Bitcoin pie. And not just a slice – oh no – we’re talking a whole flaming dessert worth over $380 million. 🥧🔥💸

Yes, on the very first day of 2026 (because why wait for your tax returns?), Maartun, the Sherlock Holmes of CryptoQuant (with a magnifying glass made of blockchain, presumably), blew the whistle: Metaplanet just gobbled up 4,279 fresh, juicy, blockchain-certified Bitcoins. 🕵️‍♂️🔍

By Jove! Metaplanet Now Owns 35,102 BTC – Yes, Really!

Based on the secret scrolls filed by the company (you know, those magical PDFs mortals call “disclosures”), each Bitcoin was snatched at a cool ¥16,325,148 – which, in real money, is about $104,638. That’s right – more than a hundred grand for a digital bean! 🤯

And now, drumroll please… 🥁 Metaplanet’s vault – guarded, no doubt, by laser-shooting hamsters – holds a staggering 35,102 BTC. That’s enough to buy a small island, a medium-sized kingdom, or at least a very fancy space yacht. 💎🌊

Average cost? A “mere” $102,000 per Bitcoin. Total investment? Over $3.5 BILLION. That’s with a B, you budget-minded nincompoops! This isn’t a company – it’s a financial volcano, erupting with digital gold. 🌋🌕

While most of us were still burping up New Year’s toast and vowing to eat fewer gummy bears, Metaplanet was busy turning profits, investor cash, and possibly the tears of skeptics into more Bitcoins than a hacker’s wet dream. 💤👾

The real kicker? In Q2 of 2025, the company grew its hoard by 129.4%. That’s not growth – that’s witchcraft. Or Excel sorcery. Probably both. 🧙‍♂️📈

Now ranking among the top Bitcoin-mad corporations on Earth (just below the likes of Tesla, MicroStrategy, and some dude named Satoshi), Metaplanet marches forward – a digital conquistador in a pinstripe suit. 🧳💼

So next time you think about stashing cash under your mattress, remember: the real fortunes aren’t in linen – they’re in ledger lines, private keys, and companies that buy Bitcoin like it’s going out of style. (Spoiler: It’s not.) 🚀📉

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2026-01-01 14:00