🚀 The Glorious March to $100K! Or Is It? 😏

by

Oh, joy unbounded! The almighty Bitcoin, that celestial beacon of neo-liberal faith, has once again lifted its holy candlestick above the profane abyss of $92,500. Lo, it now parades through the digital bazaars at heights exceeding $95,000-praise the algorithm! The acolytes gather, eyes agleam, whispering the sacred mantra: “To a hundred thousand we shall go!”

  • The price, like a repentant sinner rising from the gutter, leapt over $92,000 and then-daringly-over $94,500. A moral victory, surely.
  • It now trades, bold and upright, above $95,000 and the sacred 100-hour Simple Moving Average-the one true indicator of divine favor.
  • Ah, yes! It shattered a contracting triangle of doubt, whose resistance at $92,000 had long mocked the faithful. The hourly chart (from the infallible Kraken oracle) trembled.
  • Should the coin remain above $94,000-a zone now sanctified by the blood of fallen bears-it may yet ascend further. For faith, like leverage, moves mountains. Or at least tickers.

Bitcoin Soars-By a Whopping 4%! 🎉

Behold, the great $90,500 support stood firm-like a last honest man in a Soviet bureaucracy. From its unyielding stone, the price climbed, reclaiming $92,000 and then $92,500 as if they were long-lost homelands.

Then came the breakthrough-the fabled triangle, once a cage of hesitation, now broken. The bulls, fattened on margin calls and hope, thundered past $93,500. Momentum grew! The price charged into the clouds, touching $96,476 before pausing-exhausted but triumphant, like a Commissar after a successful five-year plan.

Now, it consolidates. Yes, consolidates. That mystical act where nothing happens, but analysts pretend it means something. It hovers above the 23.6% Fib retracement level (a number plucked from the divine Fibonacci sequence, a code surely whispered by God to Leonardo of Pisa).

Bitcoin now struts above $95,000 and the 100-hour SMA. If it dares to remain above $94,500 (and why shouldn’t it? Confidence is free!), another surge may come. First, the modest $96,000 resistance-guarded by skeptics and short-sellers, those unclean spirits. Then, the shrine at $96,500.

The journey continues. Next, $96,800-a narrow ridge. Cross it, and the land of $98,000 opens like a promised suburb of Elysium. Beyond: $98,500. Then-finally-the holy boundary: $99,000. And at the summit, gleaming in the vapor of speculation, the Temple of $100,000. 🏛️ Will it open? Will they ring the bells? Or will it remain, like communism, perpetually on the verge?

Or Perhaps… a Fall? 😱

But wait. What if the bulls grow tired? What if the market, that capricious tsar, yawns and turns away? If Bitcoin stumbles before $96,000-yes, that puny zone-it may yet slide back into the swamp.

First, the $95,000 crutch. Then the $94,500 trench-where the wounded crawl. Below that? The $93,200 vale-or, as the mystics call it, the 50% Fib retracement of recent gains. A descent there would chill the soul.

Further down: $92,500. A modest fortress. But if breached? Then-horror!-the $91,500 bastion. And should that fall… well, perhaps we speak again of “buying the dip” while quietly blaming the Fed, the weather, and the Illuminati.

As for the technical soothsayers:

  • Hourly MACD: Once bullish, now losing steam-like a Lada trying to scale a mountain.
  • Hourly RSI: Still above 50. So, not dead. Yet.
  • Major Supports: $95,000 (spiritual), $94,500 (material).
  • Resistances: $96,000 (annoying), $96,800 (serious).

Thus we wait. As men waited in line for bread. As prisoners waited for dawn. As degens wait for the next pump. The price moves. The narrative swells. The dream of $100K glimmers-eternal, elusive, perhaps imaginary. But what is life, comrade, without a little hope… and excessive leverage? 💸📉🚀

Read More

2026-01-14 06:11