Well, well, well. Looks like the big meat moguls have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar-or should I say, the beef jerky jar? 🥩 Tyson and Cargill are coughing up a cool $87.5 million after being accused of playing a little game called “Let’s Screw Over Consumers and Charge Them More for Beef.” How charming. 💸
Tyson Foods and Tyson Fresh Meats are dropping $55 million, while Cargill and its meat squad are chipping in $32.5 million. All this to settle claims they were secretly high-fiving each other instead of competing. You know, the classic “Let’s not undercut each other, let’s just overcharge everyone” move. 🤝
Apparently, these companies decided that artificially inflating beef prices was a great way to pad their wallets. And now, they’re paying up-not because they’re sorry, but because lawsuits are expensive and unpredictable. Classic corporate apology: “We didn’t do it, but here’s your money. Bye.” 🙄
The lawsuit claims these beef barons were basically in cahoots, limiting competition and keeping prices high. Because, you know, why fight for market share when you can just split the pie and laugh all the way to the bank? 🤑
Oh, and don’t worry-Tyson and Cargill are also throwing in some “non-monetary relief,” which is corporate speak for “We’ll try not to do it again, pinky promise.” But let’s be real, they’re probably just crossing their fingers behind their backs. 🤞
Meanwhile, JBS and National Beef are like, “Nah, we’ll take our chances in court.” Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see how that works out for them. 🍿
If you’ve been buying beef and feel like you’ve been taken for a ride, you might be eligible for a slice of this $87.5 million pie. Just head to the settlement website and cross your fingers that the check isn’t made out of bologna. 🥪
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2026-01-03 16:02